chasing oblivion.

‘Some give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; while others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before.’

[herodotus]
-art: untitled piece of ‘the labyrinth’ cycle by marcel chirnoaga-

now i have finally seen the end
and i’m not expecting you to care
but i have finally seen the light
i have finally realized i need to love

come to me, just in a dream
come on and rescue me

[muse - “madness”]

fear not this night, you will not go astray
though shadows fall, still the stars find their way
and you can always be strong 
lift your voice with the first light of dawn
dawn is just a heartbeat away
hope is just a sunrise away

[“fear not this night” - gw2 ost, jeremy soule and ree soesbee]
-art: ‘light from the beginning of time’ by kenneth callicutt-

you live again in the shuddering light
of these images this valediction:
you are running from a rising tide
you are castaways

[shearwater - “castaways”]

now who’s the best boy and the casting director
and the editor splicing your face from the scene
it’s all in the hands of a lazy projector
that forgetting, embellishing, lying machine

[andrew bird - “lazy projector”]

So, this is National Suicide Prevention Week.

2012 marks a decade that I have been suicidal. I struggle every day to think of it as a decade that I have survived - it’s hard to think of it that way sometimes, but I try to, regardless. Most of the time I see it as another decade that I’ve had to stay alive. When I think of each day as a victory, there’s usually a question mark following the thought. On the other hand, there’s still something in me hoping that one day I’ll be glad that I fought through it. People tell me it’ll come, so I try to trust them.

If you are struggling with suicide, or even if you are just sad right now, I am extending my hand to you. Send me an ask. I have email and several messenger programs. You can talk to me. I promise, I will understand.

hello, new followers.

the lights go out, i am all alone
all the trees outside are buried in the snow
i spend my night dancing with my own shadow
and it holds me and it never lets me go
my dear old friend, take me for a spin
two wolves in the dark, running in the wind
i’m letting go, but i’ve never felt better
passing by all the monsters in my head

[of monsters and men - ‘slow and steady’]

as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars

[covenant - “bullet”]

all of us get lost in the darkness; dreamers learn to steer by the stars
all of us do time in the gutter; dreamers turn to look at the cars
turn around and walk the razor’s edge

   it’s not as if this barricade blocks the only road

[rush - “the pass”]